More Wise Advice from Our Very Own Wise Woman

I don't get it.   People keep asking my dopey cousin, Barbara, when I am going to write again.  First of all, do not ask Barbara anything.  She is the last person I inform about anything.  Jeez, have any of you people ever talked to her?  Mention my name and you will get a weird look.  The woman does not approve of me, period.  She also knows nothing! 

Enough of  that.  Now let's talk about you Everleigh people.  In order for me to write about your problems you have to write to me about your problems.  Is that so hard?  Just write your pathetic problem on a piece of paper and stick it in cubby hole 340.  Better yet,  text me at 630 362 1236 or email maginnisone@hotmail.com.  You all know how to sign up for the Gourmet dinners so you can text.  You all know how to use 504 so you can email.  Oh, do you ever know how to use 504!  It is an endless stream of "me too" on the thread all day, every day!

So, anyway, I did get one plea for a solution to a terrible problem.  Here it is in all its pathos.

Dear Bambi,

Please help me.  I am desperate.  The holidays are almost here.  I have no family left.  My friends all live far away.  There is no one to share anything festive with.  I just moved into this place and I do not know anyone.  In fact, the people I have seen in the halls are just blanks to me.  How am I going to get through the holidays?  It is hard.

Taylor

Dear Taylor,

Hmmm, there is one big problem with your letter.  I do not know if you are a male or female.  I will have to give you two answers because your gender really counts here.

First, if you are a female my suggestion is that you just lay low.  The television is your friend. Remember how you survived the pandemic?  Do the same thing here.  Watch all the Christmas shows.  Keep that set on endlessly. Check out Hallmark.   Make sure you have a lot of food and snacks around.  Eat lots of chocolate.

If you try to socialize with Everleighites this is not the time for that.  They are all in the cliques, sharing events and traditions going way back at least 3 or 4 years.  You can't distract them from their rote conditioning.  That's what the holidays are all about.  Doing the same thing over every year.  

Back off and be patient.  When January 2 comes along they will return to normal and if you are cautious there will be a gradual acceptance.  Just be patient.  

However, Taylor, if you are a male, the world is your oyster.  All you have to do is show up and wear your most masculine attire.  The ladies will not surround you.  They are much more subtle than that.  You will be approached by individual singles.  If you are interested continue the conversation.  If you are not interested just shut it down quickly.  

If you are a guy, you are going to like it here, Taylor.  Just be cautious.  Do not settle down too quickly.  Once you've made your choice the only way to back out of the commitment is to move.  And that's a pain in the derriere.

Bambi