Welcome to the new advice column. My name is Bambi Barcelona. I am very good at giving advice. Everyone who has listened to me has ended up with a lovely life. I am Barbara Palmer's cousin. She has never listened to me so her life has not been so lovely. It has been okay but it could have been better. You know what I mean? Someone has sent a note for advice so I will deal with it right now.
Dear Bambi,
I need help desperately. My name is Rex(not really but you know....) and I live at Avenida with my lovely wife, Blanche. Everything was going fine until a new little blonde lady moved in. Her name is Gloria and we are now in love. The problem is that living in Avenida is like living in a birdcage or fishbowl. No matter where we try to be alone someone can see us from their balcony, the hallway, the courtyard or the Great Room. Even if we try to slip away there are eyes upon us. It is making us both nuts. Help me!
Bambi says.....
Dear Rex (not really but you know...), I have just the solution. Both you and Gloria hop in your cars and drive to Iowa. Buy a farm. You can grow corn and Gloria can feed chickens. You can frolic in the farmhouse, the barn, the hayloft, the henhouse, even in the fields. Frolic yourselves to the max. In the meantime, Blanche will be back at Avenida. She will be running through the courtyard with her face painted blue (just like Mel Gibson in Braveheart) yelling, "Freedom!!" You will all be very happy at last.
Please send any questions to my cousin Barbara through email, text, phone or cubby hole 340. She never listened to me but I know all you other Avenida folks will!
Bambi Barcelona
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